Closets are a big problem for me still. The ones here arent so bad as they have actual hinged doors on them and not the sliding ones most places have. He had a hinged wooden door in his closet at his folks' house. This flashback is a particularly strong one for me. I dont know if it's because of what was done or because of what I said afterwards that makes it so strong. I remember one night, sometime after I moved into the apartment and before MM* and I had our talk...possibly before Thanksgiving, Im not sure on the timing here (Im beginning to wish I'd started my diary so much earlier...maybe I would have seen all this alot sooner). His folks, although they had a beautiful console tv in the livingroom and some really comfy furniture, would spend their nights in the small den. I could understand in the winter as it was cozier back there. This gave Jim and I the livingroom to ourselves. Anyhow, this was another one of those nights that he physically locked me out of his life and tonight it was earlier than usual. After a couple hours (he went in right after supper), I was tired of sitting alone so I knocked on his door. I damn well he could hear me as that room wasnt all that big (barely enough for a twin bed, rocker, desk, small dresser and nightstand) nor was he making a hell of alot of noise where I couldnt be heard. Well I got ignored and so I knocked again. Yet again I was ignored, when I knocked a third time....his folks basically had enough, came out of the den and told him to open his door, that it was rude to have company and not be out visiting with them. Well of course this didnt sit well with him. It wouldnt sit well with anyone to be honest but this was happening all the time and I think they noticed this. All I had wanted was my purse because I was getting ready to walk home and all he had to do was open the friggin door and find out what I wanted. If I had my keys on me or the purse handy I would have just plain ole left and he wouldnt have known til he came out or until his folks noticed and asked him about it later (which would have been just as bad because I would have heard it the next day). So I go in to get my purse and he closes the door and starts in on me right then and there about how damn embarrassed he is and all sorts of shit. Then he took a step towards me and of course I took a step back as a reflex. In the process of stepping back away from him (remember this room isnt all that big PLUS it's cluttered with books and stuff), I lost my balance and fell into the closet right on top of several models that he'd *just* finished a week or so ago. How do I know they were only there a week? Because I'd had to paint the buggers. This, of course, brought his folks running as it had made such a clatter. What do they find but me on my ass in the closet and him standing over me fist in the air. Well both of them railed into him like there was no tomorrow and he stormed off, leaving the house for a walk. I was bawling at the time and grabbed my purse and started to head out. His father asked where I thought I was going and I told him I was going home. He said that no I wasnt walking home that Jim WOULD bring me home when he got back and if he wasnt back in an hour that I was to come and let him know and HE'D take me home. In an hour Jim returned and did indeed take me back to the apartment...ordered me into the car like I was his friggin dog though. We didnt speak for about 2 days and then it was like nothing had never happened. I did tell him about now that if that EVER happened again and he raised his hand against me in anger I was gonna be so gone.
I remember Thanksgiving that year. MM* and I had a small dinner party. There were 2-3 mutual friends from highschool plus 1-2 each that the other wouldnt know. She'd known of Jim but hadnt really had a chance to meet him up to this point. Now that I think of it, it was right about then he was wanting to stay over all the damn time. *sigh* Man I hate 20/20 hindsight. I cant blame him for having a thing for her (assuming he did and I bet he did). She was (and still is) rather on the petite side, very pretty and half Italian like he was. Now that I really think of it, she was built much like his mom would have been at that age before illnesses took her over and made her gain weight. *double sigh*. Anyhow, he seemed to have brought his best manners that night. I dont know where he lost them afterwards, but they were present that night. I spent most of the night waiting for the other shoe to drop as I just *knew* something would happen. It didnt...surprisingly enough.
I dont remember decorating the apartment for Christmas so Im guessing it had to be right after Thanksgiving that he insisted on staying all the time and about 2 weeks after that MM* and I had our talk where she said she wanted ME for the roomie...she didnt bargain on getting him too. I really wish she'd have worded it differently, maybe then I would have gotten the shot in the ass I needed to leave him. However, she didnt and of course I had to tell him he could no longer stay over. This of course pissed him off to no end. Instead of having another arguement with him I figured it was just best to move out of the apartment (I'd only been there maybe 2-3 months tops as I remember autumn weather when I moved in) and in with him and his folks.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Monday, July 9, 2007
Memories of Deerfield Park
Deerfield Park was a very nice apartment complex up near Carrier Circle in Syracuse. The apartment I ended up in up that way was easily 2-3 TIMES the size of where I had been living. It was in a very nice area too....therefore it had a rather substantial rent (for the area and the time) but with only paying half of everything I was saving nearly $150 or more a month ($250+ only 1/2 the utilities for 2-3 times the size the space as opposed to $375 + all utilities for what amounted as to Paris Hilton's shoe closet). The apartment was bright and beautiful and I had very high hopes that things were going to look up. The only problem I had with the apartment was the fact I had to take a very early bus to catch a transfer to get to work. This meant being up at 4am most days. I was hoping this was going to be worth it though.
When I brought Jim to see it the first time, he fell in love with it. He also liked the fact I had a roomie and wouldnt be in a location all by myself all the time. It was rather upsetting to see that MM* had grabbed the larger of the two bedrooms without asking first but when she explained later why she did, I was rather appreciative of her forethought (the bigger room looked out onto the road and she wasnt sure how busy it'd get and knowing I had to be up ultra-early while she was a theatre manager and was up half the night anyhow). I think he threw the bigger fit as to who got what room than I did. I didnt care as on my days off I like to sleep and I realized very quick I had a north facing bedroom which meant less sunlight in the AM hours...meaning I could sleep as long as I wanted if I was tired or not feeling well.
Things were well for a few weeks and then the bickering at work began again. Never ever was there a sign of trouble in the apartment or loud enough for his folks to hear when we were visiting. But the trouble was there nonetheless. I remember one particular arguement we had, I cant remember wtf it was about all I know is that he was supposed to pick me up after work (his shift ended about 2 hours before mine that day) and he wasnt there. Oh I knew he had to go to the library for research (he was working on his masters degree at that point) and I knew that's probably where he went. However, he was late and I was tired and I also knew we had a huge blow out at work so I figured he wasnt going to show up. I had been waiting for 30 minutes when a friend of mine saw me waiting and offered me a ride home. I took her up on it. We got talking and she expressed some concern with what was going on but didnt press the issue. She got me home and I locked myself in the apartment. I hadnt been home 15 minutes when I saw Jim's truck pull up. Thankfully the blinds were pulled just so where I could look out and people couldnt really see in . He came right up to the door and pounded away...ringing every few seconds. I crept up to the door and peeked out the peep hole and just watched (God I wish I had kept those balls and left sooner. *sigh*). He left the door and I heard the truck roar off. I went to my room for a good cry and spent most of the evening in there. Infact I spent most of my weekend in the room. The phone would ring and I'd monitor the machine. He called several times. The first call came about an hour or so after he left. He was fit to be tied. He knew I had to be at the apartment because he'd asked at work and they told him who gave me a ride. Oh he left all sorts of obscenities on that message. On the Saturday of that weekend, I got several more calls wondering where I was and if I was ok. Sunday was more of the same. I didnt see much of MM* that weekend either as she worked nights and didnt get home until really early AM so I was asleep. I didnt see much of her even in the early afternoons because she was spending much time with her mom (who was going through a divorce). At the time, he hadnt been creeping her out yet so she didnt say much. Only enough to register that he wasnt around and mention I didnt look well. Monday morning I was up early to catch the bus and get to work. He was late getting in because out of habit he'd swung by the apartment complex to give me a ride and I hadnt been in my usual spot so he drove completely through the complex to check if I was walking. He was a ball of emotions when he got in that day because he was pissed but yet happy to see I was ok and very contrite about our altercation that one Friday. I guess he was worried all weekend. Good for him. It's sad that I'd have to take such drastic steps to get him to notice when he was doing wrong. I dunno where or when I lost my balls in this relationship but damn Im glad I found them when I did.
Now that I think back I think that particular fight was because of our jobs. The hardlines side of KMart had moved him to the stockroom and I had been expressing a major displeasure with being out on the sales floor because of something or other. I think part of the problem was a conflict of personalities in the softlines area and I just did NOT get along with this one person. They were making life pretty much hell for me. When I went to talk to a hardlines manager about a transfer my boss got mad at me because I should have come to her first and I didnt. She said maybe I just needed a change of scenery and placed me in receiving to work with our stocker. Unfortunately for Jim and me, I thrived back there and did the job well and he, on the other hand couldnt handle it (softlines receiving was mostly processing, labelling and hanging the garments while hardlines deals with everything else). As a result of him not being able to handle it , he got moved back out to the Sporting Goods Department while I stayed in the back. The backroom people had great hours. At least the receivers did....they had 7-4 or 8-5 shifts, mornings and only M-F. You can see where the rub would be if he's put back from that to a flexible schedule and having to deal with the public while I still had the prime hours out back away from most things.
When I brought Jim to see it the first time, he fell in love with it. He also liked the fact I had a roomie and wouldnt be in a location all by myself all the time. It was rather upsetting to see that MM* had grabbed the larger of the two bedrooms without asking first but when she explained later why she did, I was rather appreciative of her forethought (the bigger room looked out onto the road and she wasnt sure how busy it'd get and knowing I had to be up ultra-early while she was a theatre manager and was up half the night anyhow). I think he threw the bigger fit as to who got what room than I did. I didnt care as on my days off I like to sleep and I realized very quick I had a north facing bedroom which meant less sunlight in the AM hours...meaning I could sleep as long as I wanted if I was tired or not feeling well.
Things were well for a few weeks and then the bickering at work began again. Never ever was there a sign of trouble in the apartment or loud enough for his folks to hear when we were visiting. But the trouble was there nonetheless. I remember one particular arguement we had, I cant remember wtf it was about all I know is that he was supposed to pick me up after work (his shift ended about 2 hours before mine that day) and he wasnt there. Oh I knew he had to go to the library for research (he was working on his masters degree at that point) and I knew that's probably where he went. However, he was late and I was tired and I also knew we had a huge blow out at work so I figured he wasnt going to show up. I had been waiting for 30 minutes when a friend of mine saw me waiting and offered me a ride home. I took her up on it. We got talking and she expressed some concern with what was going on but didnt press the issue. She got me home and I locked myself in the apartment. I hadnt been home 15 minutes when I saw Jim's truck pull up. Thankfully the blinds were pulled just so where I could look out and people couldnt really see in . He came right up to the door and pounded away...ringing every few seconds. I crept up to the door and peeked out the peep hole and just watched (God I wish I had kept those balls and left sooner. *sigh*). He left the door and I heard the truck roar off. I went to my room for a good cry and spent most of the evening in there. Infact I spent most of my weekend in the room. The phone would ring and I'd monitor the machine. He called several times. The first call came about an hour or so after he left. He was fit to be tied. He knew I had to be at the apartment because he'd asked at work and they told him who gave me a ride. Oh he left all sorts of obscenities on that message. On the Saturday of that weekend, I got several more calls wondering where I was and if I was ok. Sunday was more of the same. I didnt see much of MM* that weekend either as she worked nights and didnt get home until really early AM so I was asleep. I didnt see much of her even in the early afternoons because she was spending much time with her mom (who was going through a divorce). At the time, he hadnt been creeping her out yet so she didnt say much. Only enough to register that he wasnt around and mention I didnt look well. Monday morning I was up early to catch the bus and get to work. He was late getting in because out of habit he'd swung by the apartment complex to give me a ride and I hadnt been in my usual spot so he drove completely through the complex to check if I was walking. He was a ball of emotions when he got in that day because he was pissed but yet happy to see I was ok and very contrite about our altercation that one Friday. I guess he was worried all weekend. Good for him. It's sad that I'd have to take such drastic steps to get him to notice when he was doing wrong. I dunno where or when I lost my balls in this relationship but damn Im glad I found them when I did.
Now that I think back I think that particular fight was because of our jobs. The hardlines side of KMart had moved him to the stockroom and I had been expressing a major displeasure with being out on the sales floor because of something or other. I think part of the problem was a conflict of personalities in the softlines area and I just did NOT get along with this one person. They were making life pretty much hell for me. When I went to talk to a hardlines manager about a transfer my boss got mad at me because I should have come to her first and I didnt. She said maybe I just needed a change of scenery and placed me in receiving to work with our stocker. Unfortunately for Jim and me, I thrived back there and did the job well and he, on the other hand couldnt handle it (softlines receiving was mostly processing, labelling and hanging the garments while hardlines deals with everything else). As a result of him not being able to handle it , he got moved back out to the Sporting Goods Department while I stayed in the back. The backroom people had great hours. At least the receivers did....they had 7-4 or 8-5 shifts, mornings and only M-F. You can see where the rub would be if he's put back from that to a flexible schedule and having to deal with the public while I still had the prime hours out back away from most things.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)