"Your words have no power to alter the truth. Your perception does not affect any reality but your own... it is your words and deeds that cast your reflection. "

~Luna Jade, musician

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Memories of Schepps Ln

Schepps Lane was the next step in my housing. His folks had (and still do for all I know) a beautiful 2 bedroom home in Kirkville, NY. It used to be a 3 bedroom but when Jim's sisters all got moved out and into their own homes, the small bedroom in back got converted to a den. The area that used to hold the room's closet got converted to an office cubby. It was just big enough for the desk and a file cabinet.

They had a front door which wasnt used for much but deliveries or during trick or treating. The front door led straight to the livingroom. The entrance that everyone used was through the garage and to the side door which led right into the kitchen. Ruth had (has?) a very nice kitchen that always smells so damn good. Very often she'd be making bread, lasagna or something else and if not that then she was canning or making homemade pasta. Yummy. I loved her to death. She was always sweet and kind and very rarely got overly angry about anything. Oh dont get me wrong, she'd reprimand you but never yell...it was all in the tone. His father is where he gets his temper from Im sure. Jim Sr had quite the temper on him. Sr had worked on the railroad all his life and when things got lean and the money wasnt there to feed his kids, he went out and did what he had to to feed them...fish, rabbits, deer...whatever he could get is what they ate. As such, he held his kids to very high standards as he didnt want them to have to go through what he did Im sure.

I never felt overly comfortable in their house as Ruth kept it spotless. I swear she wiped things down, vaccuummed and cleaned everything on a daily basis. Everything was spic n span at all times. Martha Stewart would have been proud to call her a sister...guarantee you that. Jim's 2 main chores at home (like they were to become in our household) were to clean the litterbox and take out the trash. That's it. Nothing else with the exception of upkeep on the pool in the summertime. That's not much to ask is it? I dont think it is. Well, when he knew his folks were out of earshot he'd bitch and complain about having to do any of it. Now wait...you are in your 20's, living room and board free with your folks and you are going to complain about 2-3 chores? *shakes head* I shoulda sold my shit and moved then because if he was going to bitch about it under his folks' roof you KNOW he'd do it in our home.

I spent that Christmas season with him and his folks. On New Years, his parnets pretty much got tired early and went to bed while we stayed up to watch the specials on for the night. Jim decided this night he wanted me to play one of his damn war games with me. I hated those friggin games as they were boring and much to complicated for me to keep track of. Anyhow I figured at least he wasnt locking me out of his room and so I played. Then idiotboy did the worst thing possible for him. He told me he was going to play it historically. This in and of itself isnt bad because I hated history and couldnt have told you what happened during this particular part of the war (the game was called D-Day). What WAS stupid on his part was to tell me what all happened and then tell me where all the troops were going to come into play. On top of all that he decided he was going to be the Americans and they won that day. Stupid man. Give me an underdog position and tell me how you're going to play then expect me to lose? Oh game on. I proceeded to disassemble his troops one group at a time and where the "good guys" had historically made it onto the beach? Well his troops never got off the damn boats because as they did...all my dudes were there annihilating them ;) (if you are afraid to come off the boats, dont try to invade Normandy). LOL !! Well we only got half through the game when he threw a fit (poor loser again) and tossed the game all over the livingroom. Then he stomped off to his room. He never asked me to play that one again. A few weeks later (?timing?) his best bud came G*came over and Jim decided to play another war game. He figured , I guess, that since it was a 3 way game I'd have a harder time defeating him and maybe he'd have a better shot at it. Nope. G* wasnt much of a wargame player and not so good on the strategy. All he was doing was slowing me down a little so I took out G* first and then went after Jim. Pretty much started whomping on him then too. If I recall he stopped playing that type of game with me.... I cant help it, I was raised to do my best and win if I had the skills to do so. He simply couldnt handle this. Ohhh...I should have used this tactic with the relationship...maybe HE would have walked out before me. Maybe this is why I stayed around so long, I didnt want to be beaten at this game. Maybe this is why he was the way he was, he was trying to get me to quit before him....so he ultimately won overall. Well damn that sucks.

As Im thinking back, Im beginning to realize that his folks seemed to treat me better than him. I rarely got hollared at...just a disapproving look now and then. I always tried to live by their rules though. I was under their roof so it was only the right thing to do. One has to wonder if there was something going on well before I showed up....was there relief when they realized that someone was taking him off their hands *finally*. If there was, one has to wonder if they understand why I left the way I did. I guess I'll never know. I could have found out for sure in May as I was in the area, but I didnt have the guts to face them then. I dont think I ever will.

I remember a blow out he had with his folks around Christmastime. Two of his sisters were over with their families celebrating the day. Their children (4 for the one and at the time the other had 3 + 1 very little one - this same sister has 7 or 8 now) were in the finished basement playing (Jim and Ruth had a tv and bar down there as well as Jim's weightset...there was also a wood stove to warm the place up). When they all left, Jim had gone down for something and raised a ruckus because the kids had gotten into my boxes of stuff which we had temporarily stored down there and strewn alot of my belonging everywhere (including some clothes I would have rathered the kids not find... if ya know what I mean). His folks had a point that the stuff shouldnt have been down there any how, but on the other hand I had no where else to put it. I think it was shortly there after Jim decided we were going to move the minute we had the money (yet he'd never save, he'd still spend it like water).


ChicagoLady said...

I think you won in the end. You are most likely MUCH better off in your life than he is now. You've come so far from that scared, agitated young woman who ran from him to save her life.

LadyStyx said...

I guess it's all in how you look at it. Some days I think Ive won, others not so much.

Intense Guy said...

...and money is such a stressor between people... :/