"Your words have no power to alter the truth. Your perception does not affect any reality but your own... it is your words and deeds that cast your reflection. "

~Luna Jade, musician

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

More Deerfield Park memories...planning a wedding

By the time we'd gotten into the apartment, he'd proposed to me. The only thing we had at the time use as an engagement ring was the one my gramma had given me for my graduation. The only thing he'd put towards it was the cost of resizing it ($10). The bands were purchased by me a couple months before the wedding. I remember dad being upset that Jim hadnt bothered to call and ask for permission for my hand as is custom. Dad had to find out from me. My mom was happy because she was finally going to be making the wedding dress that she'd been dying to make. There was alot of back and forth with my mom with materials, styles and sizing. There didnt seem to be as much fighting at this point as I was totally consumed on making everything just perfect and when I had my questions answered, he'd slip off to his room to be alone. Unfortunately, Im a champagne taste and we were on a cheapo bogo (buy one get one free) store brand soda only type budget. Much of what I had was handmade, which is fine. The quality of the supplies I had to work with was debateable to be honest but it was the best I could get with what I had. I made my bouquet, the maid of honor's, the arm bouquets for the bridesmaids (3), the basket for the flower girl, and the boutonnieres (8).

He wasnt thrilled with having to give up his room for a month though. My folks came in the week prior to the wedding as mom had to do some last minute fittings on the dress. I seem to remember that he was on his best behavior for the ~most~ part. It's either he was or I've totally blocked any unpleasantness out at this point. I dont recall being made overly miserable though. There was one episode while my folks were there though that came to mind the other day while I was writing about the time he stepped on me. That one was the first and not the last time I got hurt by him. Both were accidents...as they were done while he was dreaming. This particular one we had gone to bed and my folks were sleeping in the livingroom. I had suggested the bed for them but they'd said no, they brought stuff so they could "camp out" (Im glad they did as Jim gave me hell for just suggesting it, cant imagine what he would have said if they'd said yes to the bed). I dont recall him reading anything much before bed, but I could be mistaken. This particular night he had a humdinger of a nightmare and unlike most nights when he yelled out first, there was nothing but silence. All of a sudden I woke up crying and having trouble breathing. To say I was disoriented would be an understatement. I had no clue why I was crying and damn why couldnt I breathe? Then I realized his arm was over my chest with a friggin deathgrip on the other side of the mattress. Next thing I remember, mom was at my door knocking and asking if I was ok. I seem to remember saying yes, I think so. "Are you sure starshine?" "Yes mom, Im ok. I love you." After she left the door I addressed the situation on hand and asked him WTF he thought he was doing. I got the response that I was falling off the bed and he had to save me. *Ugh*. I told him that my ass was quite firmly on the bed as I was lying on my back and he could let go. Next morning, he of course had no friggin clue where that bruise on my chest showed up from. When I asked him... "so...how'd you sleep last night?". He knew there was a problem. That seemed to be the last episode like that in the apartment.

Flash to the wedding rehearsal. I still couldnt shake the feeling that this was definitely not right. Why I didnt discuss this with mom I have no clue. I couldnt talk to my friends as at this point I didnt have many and those I had werent opening up on the feelings they had of my to be hubby. The bridesmaids were all his sisters so they wouldnt have been any help. I felt like that scene from the Emperor's New Groove where Kronk is dealing with what he calls his shoulder angels. One was saying, "Look the church doors...your folks are here...it'd be so easy to just leave right now and not look back."...the other one was telling me "but all these people came and some from out of state just for this occasion". I felt trapped. I knew what I was wanting (run, run, run!!), but then there was the other side of me who felt obligated to go through with the motions. Man, I wish I'd gone with my gut and allowed the instinct for survival to do what it wanted. He was upset after the rehearsal dinner because my mom had said he wasnt going to be allowed in the apartment the night before the wedding...and all 5'0.25" of her stood her ground about it. He ended up having to sleep at his folks that night. God it felt great to have that bed all to myself.

After the rehearsal, my family, maid of honor and me retired back to the apartment. Maybe I should say mom instead of my family as I think dad and my bro took off for part of the night and it was mostly us girls. I remember sitting on the floor as we were all talking and having my hair put up in ragcurls for the night. It took several yards of fabric and 3/4 can of mousse to get them set. I looked alot like a Raggedy Ann doll once they were all in *laffs*.

I remember getting ready the next morning. My mom undid the ragcurls while I was polishing my nails. Damn hair didnt get dried so she had to use the blowdrier with a diffuser attachment to get it finished up. A curling iron and half a can of hairspray later, my hair was done. Once my nails were dry and my warpaint was in place (just kidding THAT didnt take as long to do), I got into a shirt and pants for transport. You should have seen the excitement at my apartment building when the limo pulled up to take me to the church.

Once at the church, we went to the basement (it was their banquet/meeting area) to get ready. Up to this point I hadnt walked in the dress with the train on (mom made it detachable so it'd be easier at the reception) so I was walking circles in the center of the room. Mostly I was trying to work out a case of the jitters. I guess at this point I was still trying to convince myself it was all in my mind and nothing was truly the matter...things would get better. It was just wedding day nerves right? As my party and I ascended the stairs to the main level the jitters got worse and I really did NOT want to be doing this. "Oh look...there's the door...last chance to change ya mind..." I managed to get down the aisle without incident. That's not to say the wedding went without it's hitches. There was the incessant kicking noise because the ring bear wouldnt sit still and was hitting the mic over there on accident. Now before anyone gets on me about harping on this...the child in question was 8-9 years old and more like a junior attendant than anything. Yes it was boring but still. I could understand a child of 4 or 5 acting up but he was certainly old enough to sit still for an hour... at least he always managed it when he went to church on Sundays. Then there was the father boutonniere that ended up on my chest after we went through the hugging of the parents bit that a Catholic ceremony has you do. How do I know it was one of the fathers? Because it was white and they were the only ones with white roses. We had a photographer that held us hostage in the church longer than he should have for pictures. Why? Because it was overcast and the location I chose (a restaurant with a great view of the local lake) wasnt going to make a good backdrop with the choppy waves. Needless to say the happy exit the bride and groom make with everyone lining the walkway throwing birdseed...didnt happen. When we *finally* were allowed to leave, the limo driver was pissy because he had another wedding after ours and the long, romantic drive that usually gets to happen? Well it didnt happen either....not that I blame the driver any. On the drive we had champagne in the back. Let me rephrase this...I had a half glass, my maid of honor and the best man each had about a half glass (it was pretty noxious stuff anyhow...definitely NOT Asti). The groom, however, managed to polish off the entire rest of the bottle (LARGE bottle mind you) and was pretty much pickled by the time we got to the reception. Let me tell you he had a pissed off wife when we arrived. I put on my theatre face and just kept going. The rest of the day went without much of a hitch...well except when we went to leave. They (the groomsmen) had messed with the car as is custom. In the process of "decorating", they'd removed a sparkplug and replaced it with something else that exploded when the car was started. So our decorated glitter spewing out of the vents (4 damn vials worth!!!) car now didnt want to work and the only one who didnt think it was funny was the groom. Have you guessed yet that he said something about it when we were headed back to his folks to the other reception? You did? Well damn.

That night was escaped to a hotel before heading out for our 2 week honeymoon. Let me rephrase this....1 week torture going through all the damn battlefields from the Civil War (he INSISTED on going...I thought this was supposed to be fun for the BOTH of us?)....THEN a 1 week trip to the Poconos (and the only sun we saw was on the first week...I ended up having to wear longsleeves because I ended up with sun poisoning...it rained during what was supposed to be the romantic part of our trip).


ChicagoLady said...

Definitely not an occasion that brings up happy memories. I've heard it said, first instincts are usually the correct ones. Oh well, we're back to those "what if's" again, lol.

Intense Guy said...

I'm glad I avoided the Virtual Walk through the Civil War battlefields... t'would of been a minefield. I have probably visited them all - but I did the touring by myself 'cause I figured no-one I knew would be interested in it the same way I was - and doing soo let me be free to pick and choice and pace things anyway I wanted.

And with Manassas being "right outside the window" I can see how things are a little ... well at best "twilight zone-ish".

*gives a pondering hmmm.....*