"Your words have no power to alter the truth. Your perception does not affect any reality but your own... it is your words and deeds that cast your reflection. "

~Luna Jade, musician

Monday, June 18, 2007

Entry for December 26, 2006

Sorry again for the length of time for the next installment. I've been rather ill over here and it seems to be one thing right after the next lately. You can read all about it in my primary blog (the only friend I've allowed on this particular account).

The primary blog at the time was my Yahoo 360. I've added it to my links list if you want to read other entries Ive made before getting my Blogger account. Ive also added my alternate 360 if you want to read ahead. Im deleting entries as I go along as I'll be closing that account after everything is moved.


Took so long to get thru that that another crisis hit. The weekend with no damn ending. It all started Friday morning and has escalated to the point where a complaint has been filed. I think the official complaint was harrassment and emotional distress.I can understand. I had been telling him all along he needed to leave her alone, not to call so often . Well, let me back it up to Friday....

Friday morning Jim called up to M*. The roads were bad and he wanted to follow her in to work to learn the shorter route (he's followed a couple of times before and usually doesnt get lost so why bother calling???).

I'm going to note here that once Jim was shown the route ANYWHERE a couple times, he didnt get lost. He was one that as a youth would go up hiking in the mountains with his friends and be able to find his way home. He was the very same one who, after I moved in with a good friend, took me walking around the apartment complex I was living in...got me talking and distracted and walked me in circles then asked me if I knew where I was at. Of course, I didnt but HE knew precisely where we were at....

Well, she really blew her stack as it was 630am and she was trying to get her and her child ready. Plus she was sick to death of Jim calling all the time. Well he hung up and blew his stack. O M G the language... I kept telling him very quietly to please be quiet and shut up. At one point I said " Would you just please go away?" I dont know how close he was or if it was coinsidence, but next thing I heard was him saying "Oh great, now my wife wants me gone too!" I was so embarrassed as I didnt realize I had said it quite that loud. After ranting for about 20 minutes or so he *FINALLY* left for work. Talked with a couple of my friends online and both were awefully supportive. I asked if just the fact I had to listen to it (and not being yelled at, just to about a situation) was a form of verbal abuse and general consensus is yes. So here I am crying at the 'puter as I knew in my heart it was. Calmed down and lo and behold as the one friend was apologizing for hurting my feelings (and I was saying not to worry) Jim came home (1130am) early. I told my friend I had to go that he was home and my friend got more worried about me. I told them I'd touch base and IF I didnt to call my job the next day and ask for David. Dunno why I did that, I must've been worried deep down.Sometimes he really scares me. Well, Jim blew his stack a second time over the issue and yet again I had to hear it. Another 20 minutes and he finally shut up about it.

I was so embarrassed when he started screaming in the apartment. It was loud enough that I was sure that she heard every word upstairs. I wasnt necessarily afraid that she was hearing how he felt, but the fact she had a 4-5 yr old child up there that could possibly pick up that foul language! I was really surprised when he heard me say what I did as my back was turned and it was said in practically a whisper as I had a migraine started. Why am I surprised? Well because MrJackass had a hearing problem and always turned things up unbelieveably loud to hear them. He was either right on top of me as I said it OR I said it louder than I really had planned on it. Man I wish I had whirlled on him and said it good and loud so she coulda heard me upstairs so she knew I wasnt putting up with it no more.

Had to close so he took me in for my 3pm shift. Took most of the night, but I managed to get rid of my freakin headache. Around 7pm he called (damn wouldnt you know the headache came back!) to say he'd gone to the school for a dance and wanted to talk to M* to apologize. She got upset and told him it was inappropriate for him to be there (found out later from R* that Jim hadnt given me the whole story) and he needed to go home. Well he went on for a bit and I basically threw him off the phone. When he picked me up he was still going on and on about it. Damn Im getting sick of this. Well, I wasnt tired at bedtime yet again (not my fault...Im just not tired, cant he understand that??), he was upset and stood there at my chair for a good 2-3 minutes watching the computer screen. He then went to bed. I went in many hours later and fell asleep. I woke at 630am on Saturday and noticed he wasnt in bed but figured he had just gone to the bathroom so I rolled over to go back to sleep. At 715am I woke and realized he still wasnt in bed. It was then I discovered the note addressed to me in his rocker....Well by now the wife might not be too fond of him, but his friend kicked into gear.

Migraine stress headaches. No fun at all. Took me 4 hours to rid myself of it and the minute he called it came rushing back. Now mind you, he'd come home EARLY. His excuse to me had been he simply couldnt be around Michelle anymore that day and felt ill. He TOLD the school he was ill. So therefore, IF there was a dance he shouldnt have gone anyhow right? I find out from R* at a later date that there was NO dance that night and that instead there was a GIRLS ONLY function. No men were supposed to be there at all. Yet he went anyhow. This was stupidity on his part and he deserved getting reprimanded for it.
I am highstrung so when I get home 9 times outta 10 Im still keyed up from work and need several hours to relax before I can sleep. After several years of marriage he should have known this as it's common damn knowledge. So if you know this...WHY GET PISSED I DONT CLIMB INTO BED RIGHT AWAY???!! If you're tired...go to bed. I'll be there when I get tired. My current hubby knows this. My body just dont run on the same schedule as everyone elses. While we're gettin pissy on shit like this...how about the lack of personal space? I mean damn...I dont stand over your shoulder in your space to see what you're doing when you're trying to relax. He always insisted on his own room so he could be himself for a bit. Locked me out of parts of his life for years....but when I insist on the same thing for myself....you think I could get it? Helllll NO....gotta stand over my shoulder and see who Im talking to and what Im doing. Yet when he talks on the phone he insists on going to his room....yet he's allowed to stand over MY shoulder to see MY conversations??!

Original entry written in Yahoo 360 on Tuesday December 26, 2006 - 07:50am

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