"Your words have no power to alter the truth. Your perception does not affect any reality but your own... it is your words and deeds that cast your reflection. "

~Luna Jade, musician

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Entry for January 30, 2007

Sorry I havent been adding to this. I simply havent felt much like dealing with anything as you can see on my main blog.


Sorry for the delay.... You'll understand in a bit. Wednesday I got a call from him while I was still at work. Vanguard (the school he was working for) had fired him. Even escorted him off the property. He ever sets foot there again, he can be arrested. Well I got offa the phone with him and called David to tell him. He was busy but would be with me as soon as possible. I laughed over the whole thing. It wasnt exactly the sanest laugh. In fact Im surprised I wasnt reported by the guests. I was really close to crying and almost left the floor when I got called to the registers. Yes indeed... I went up front, fighting for composure the entire time. David finally walkied me and came to my register. I leaned over and whispered in his ear the call I got and laffed again. He nearly pulled me off the register. Asked me if I would be ok and I said "I gotta be" and indicated the lines. He left me, but kept close watch to make sure I was ok. He also left instructions that when I was off to leave me off.

To say that the laugh I mentioned was not exactly sane is being really polite. I never had and never have since then laughed like that. There were several guests around me that looked at me really strange and sidestepped into other aisles. That laugh was much like the laugh of Ed the hyena from Lion King. Anyone who has seen that movie will know precisely what Im talking about. The second laugh in David's ear (he was the assistant manager and only one there I could trust to talk to) was almost as bad. He'd heard my laughs before and knew I was at a breaking point. That day I was on 3rd call. Normally, we'd get to 2nd call on a busy day. This day was so busy and I was last in line. Like I told David, I had to be ok because if they called me there was noone else...unless the managers wanted to run the registers.

Spent several days listening to the "I'm a loser" stuff from hubby. He's still saying nothing matters. This past Wednesday, they called me to the office. I was released from duty (actually it was the Wednesday before last). Downsized outta a job. I was so depressed that I actually wanted Linda to come in the office so we could shut the door. Got a small severance package outta the deal. Whoopie! Cant remember WHAT I did on Thursday short of going for my pay. I believe I spent most of my day online job hunting, but who knows.

When they called me in the office, three of the four managers were in there and I knew there was a problem. I'd had the dreads all day long and especially when David said Vince (the store director) wanted to see me before I left. All the managers in this store were male so they had to have the door open while they spoke with me. I could feel myself starting to lose it and asked for Lisa to be allowed in and they said the only female available was Linda, the HR person. Man I hated Linda but anyone was better than nothing at that point. Vince went to get Linda, I think Gary went for tissues while David went for water. Everything went slow motion here and I dont remember much. I do remember them saying they'd all write recommendations for me and how to go about filing for Unemployment. Vince explained the severance package and next thing I know all were gone except Linda. I do remember Vince telling me to take time so I could compose myself before leaving. I was also told to not bothing coming in to finish the week, that they were paying me to stay home. This was a rough store. It was a AA volume, very high in business as opposed to the D volume I had come from in Louisiana. I knew I was having a hard time keeping up and the shit I was getting at help simply didnt help matters. As things got worse at home my work quality was slipping and I could see this. David kept trying to warn me and help me but he could only do so damn much. The constant strain at home and then the strain from work was more than I could handle. The shame was, I was socking money away at work to get out from under one of the problems....unfortunately everytime I had a decent amount for at least bus fare, something would happen at home and I'd have to dip into it to make sure we were fed and had a roof. Dipwad mopin at home and not finding a job didnt help matters either. Work had been my only escape from his crap ...well when he wasnt calling and annoying the shit outta me at work.


Went in for my pay and talked to Gary. Hit all the managers up for recommendations (which I have yet to receive). Friday I went to the mall and grabbed 15-20 applications. Two looked promising and so instead of filling them at home, which was my plan, I did them at the mall and turned them right in. The stores were Talbots and April Cornell. We cruised Palace side also and got another 3-4 apps. Lord & Taylor was hiring too. They interviewed me immediately and were tremendously impressed. I figured I was a shoe in. We went home and lo and behold there were 2 calls. One from each of the others making appointments for interviews. KEWL!! So I set the appointments. Lord and Taylors called on Monday to cancel their Tuesday appt (second interview). I told them I was going to be in the area that afternoon with another appt and I could stop in after that. She said great. The appt at Talbot's went ok. I felt uncomfortable, but it would have been do-able. I boogied to L&T to do my second interview. I liked this place better. Unfortunately, the position I was best suited for had been eliminated. However, she was going to push corporate to get it back in the store. Kewl. On Tuesday I went to the April Cornell interview. Definitely different. Seems I had the job before even going to it as they asked me no questions- resume said everything necessary!! I said let me think until Friday (I was waiting on L&T to be honest). By Thursday, I made my decision. I went with April Cornell. L&T still wants me parttime, but I have to see if it is considered competition. I think it is so Im just going to say no, but if a fulltime comes up to call me and if April Cornell isnt working out I'll take it. Have had 2 days at April Cornell and the asst manager is saying if the manager wants to make me a second asst manager to go for it. Major kewlage.

I never did get those recommendations. Somehow I knew they were blowing wind up my ass. That Thursday when I went in for my pay, I swung by to visit with Lisa. A couple weeks before I was "downsized" she'd been put in my department to be trained to take over as the department manager. She wasnt liking it no way and no how. When I swung by with the work binders for the area, I thought she was going to cry. We made promises to keep in touch, but you know how that story goes.

Within 2 days, technically, I was re-employed. Do you think he was? Nope...hadnt even been really trying. He had a car and could have been cruising the area near the mall to look while I was working. You think he did this? Hell no. In fact, the only reason why he GOT a job is because I filled out an app for him at WalMart and made him sign it. He fussed and complained but I pointed out that at least it was a damn job and would bring some money in. I also pointed out that he could have had the job 2 weeks prior as that's how long the friggin sign had been up.

Original entry written in Yahoo 360 on Tuesday January 30, 2007 - 03:50pm

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